Reflector

I've moved!

2009-11-18T16:43:00.003+08:00

Never underestimate the power of prayer

2009-07-24T16:09:00.001+08:00

From an interview with Phillips, Craig and Dean:

*Dan Dean:* My wife and I, on New Year’s Eve 2002, were preparing to get
home and be in for the night, and a young man pulled out in front of us.
[It was] this very violent collision. My wife broke her neck and back.
The neck fracture was the exact same fracture Christopher Reeve suffered.

*KRISTI WATTS: *Wow.

*Dan Dean:* But there were several great miracles that happened. Number
one, my father-in-law, the night before, had a dream that we were in an
accident and both of us were killed. He got out of bed and prayed, and
we believe that’s why we’re still here -- the power of intercessory
prayer. Secondly, there was a lady that came to my wife’s door. She had
unbuckled her seat belt and opened her door and was getting ready to get
out of the car. It was just a matter of seconds. She was saying, “Honey,
you’re hurt. Don’t move.” Had she moved, she probably wouldn’t be alive,
or if she was alive, she’d probably be paralyzed.

*KRISTI WATTS:* Wow. And see, today, 18 months later, your wife is . . . .

*Dan Dean:* She is totally, completely healed, and it’s a wonderful . .
It’s a miracle.

The miracles that go un-noticed

2009-07-08T10:57:00.003+08:00

Who thought a mother cat to watchfully care for her young? To pounce when anything (or anyone) comes anywhere near the little kittens? She wouldn't have watched her mom do it.. she would't have watched Dr Phil or read a book on parenting... who gave her that notion of motherhood?

Everyday I find reasons to remind myself that we don't only find God in our times of trouble. He is everywhere, in everything. It just all goes un-noticed...
and I am glad that I get a glimpse of Him when I take the time to look, coz it changes my life.

मैं पागल हो रही हूँ

2009-04-13T11:17:00.000+08:00

I go to school
mai skul jati hoon

I used to go to school
mai skul jati thi

I am going to school
mai skul ja rahi hoon

I was going to school
mai skul ja rahi thi

I went to school
mai skul gai

Chicken before egg. Period.

2009-04-11T22:42:00.006+08:00

I don't understand how anyone could say of themselves or even agree with the idea that we came from anything else but from the very hands of our Creator.

How is it a warm feeling to think that we are merely a result of random rearrangements and adjustments to the surroundings of an ape?

I just don't get it.

I agree with natural selection. Yes, organisms adapt to their surrounding, and give up or gain certain traits in order to survive. Some go extinct because they don't survive. New traits emerge because they survive better. Microevolution. Survival of the fittest.

But I don't understand how anyone could just simply agree with the idea of macroevolution, for example, that we came from apes... (and this idea forms a chain process all the way down to the amoeba) just because a scientist said so.

What I wonder is, if we are soooo close to the apes.. why can't they sing? or draw? Or, at least by now, they should have invented something that looks remotely similar to a wheel... In my opinion, they haven't coz they simply can't. They were not created to be able to. But we were.

Weeping may remain for a night

2009-03-09T10:17:00.001+08:00

But rejoicing comes in the morning...

As High as the Heavens - Martin Nystrom, Don Harris

I want all that's Yours

2009-03-03T10:57:00.001+08:00

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

~ Desperation Band: Counting On God

One of those profound moments on the bus.

2009-02-27T22:32:00.001+08:00

Some people do things the "right" way,
while some people do things the "wrong" way.

(by wrong, I mean based on their own terms and conditions...
wrong as in out of their own norm...)

The one who did things the right way will never know how difficult or challenging or rewarding it could have been if he/she had done it the wrong way...
while the one who did it the wrong way will never know how simple things could have been if he/she had just done it the right way.

"Amen"

2009-01-21T09:02:00.001+08:00

“We ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around...when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen."

~ Rev. Joseph Lowery at the inauguration of Barack Obama

There's something about this day...

2008-12-31T21:37:00.004+08:00

This is the first time I am celebrating an occasion away from home. So far, every birthday, Christmas, and New Year has been with my family. So, this day has been a first of its kind.

And its been a wonderful day... for the simplest of reasons.

Woke up coughing and trembling (Haha, the irony, yes, I'm sick). But that didn't stop me from getting out of bed and getting things done! I checked my inboxes, showered, packed and left for the office. I wanted to clear all the claims and cheques before New Year. Stopped for lunch at PGP on the way. Considering my cough, I wanted something light, but tasty. So I went for mix rice at the cheese prata shop. Had sayur masak lemak and sweet sour fish. Was a comfortable meal. Then walked over to the office. Checked the mailbox, called my sis and was ranting about stuff, then turned on my music on Deezer and got to work. Cleared mails, filed documents, tallied accounts, calculated and made out claim cheques.

Once I was done with office stuff, I decided to blog about 2008, which resulted in the blog post before this! Its been a wonderful year, with all its ups and downs, and I know I had to capture it somehow. Writing the blog post was good for me, because a huge sense of gratitude welled up inside of me. Remembering how God brought me through so many things, now it feels like I am standing on a solid rock, looking back and seeing the path I left behind me, and feeling safe that I made it thru.

After that I designed and sent out a New Year greeting card to my friends! :)

By then it was 6pm, and I was hungry again. So I packed up, and walked back to PGP. Again, looking for something yummy but comfortable. Again, I was at the cheese prata shop. And I had one good meal! I was savouring each mouthful! Sayur masak lemak, with beef rendang this time. I was happy, and very satisfied!

Walked home and decided to do some ironing. Which led me to clear out my wardrobe and rearrange all my clothes! Which then led me to pile out all my toiletries and stuff and reorganize everything. Its so good to re-vamp things. Brings a feeling of renewal and refreshment! :)

Finally, everything was so neat. The best way to top it all off was with a good shower. And now, I am fresh and admiring my curls (they look lovely after I started this new shampoo my mom got for me!).

So, I am happy. Very satisfied with 2008, and holding on before I set my mind on 2009.

2008 in Retrospect

2008-12-31T15:53:00.009+08:00

It has been one eventful year. I might even rate it as the most eventful year I've had so far. And I am happy about it. I am amazed at the different kinds of challenges I crawled through, as well as the number of miracles that made up for them. And there's a sense of satisfaction in me... and I have only One Person to thank for it all. :)

When 2008 started, I had knots in my stomach, coz I didn't know how I was going to get thru the year without my best friend around. I sent Mickey off to US with the biggest smile I could force out of my face, but everything was sinking in my heart. Double but, at the back of my mind, there were a million resolutions forming. There were so many things I needed to do, changes I wanted to make, plans to draw out, decisions to ponder. I looked ahead and saw so many hurdles to jump!

6th semester - a couple of programming modules to manage on my own (without my programmer life-guard at hand), project intensive modules that seemed impossible...
Moving out of hostel - by May, I will have to decide who and where to move out with and to.
FYP plans - I remember "What... Whooo... Howwww... Whereeeee??!" racing thru my mind at that time. I seriously had no clue.
7th semester, if I survive the above, then we'll see what 7th sem brings.. later...

And now in retrospect... the miracles...

I learnt all I needed to learn to successfully complete all the programming related projects! Starting from a sample that Mickey left me ;), my group mates and I somehow managed it. To think how clueless I was at the beginning as I was reading thru the project requirements... it seemed impossible that we would end up with a rather impressive book database! I was so proud of us! It was my very own Amazon.com! I did well for that module... and was sooooo satisfied with the fact that I learnt so many new things in the process!
Now this is a definite miracle. It literally just happened as if with a touch of a magic wand... and everything just worked out! Aik already had this house he was planning to move into, and was looking for two more people... Ash and I jumped at it. Its right behind NUS, and with 7 people sharing, the rent is heaven-sent! :) Nothing short of perfect! (Except the ocassional visits from lizards, I love our house!). Now we're the official hang-out and stay-over place ;) I loooove our house!!!
Planning and discussions about my fyp was a really strenuous period. There were so many administrative things to do, besides the proposals that I had to come up with again and again and again... I just flowed with it, doing and re-doing whatever needed to be done and re-done... trying not to get too frantic when things messed up, telling myself that I was in good hands (RGG and my Prof have no match when it comes to mentorship). And eventually, things were ironed out. I started work proper, acheived some pretty good results. And even had a Mid-term progress presentation to prepare for which accounted for 10% of the final result. Haha.. I can't believe I survived that. With God's grace... seriously.
Semester 7 was studded with FYP issues, the Mid-term Progress presentation, projects and more projects, CAs, lots of journal paper readings, uncountable trips to and fro the two labs I am attached to, meetings, discussions.... and so on and so forth.

Sigh...No matter how much I try to write what this year was like, it just cannot match the reality of it. Its overwhelming.

Above and beyond all these academic stuff, this year was also a slow but sure journey spiritually. Just before sending Mickey off, I remember talking to him about how I felt like a such a failure. I remember crying, regretting things I had done, wishing I hadn't done this and that, scared of what the future held... I was a mess. I couldn't sense the peace that I longed for so much. And it was devastating. It felt like there was this huge cloud hanging over my head, making everything gloomy and making everything go wrong.

After he left, I decided to do something to get out of this... I simply hated what I was feeling. And I knew that the only place I could restore my peace was with God. I had drifted too far away, and that cloud over my head was made up of all my flaws that I felt I needed to get rid off. I needed forgiveness, and reassurance. And I thank God that He led me to the right place. Back to Him.

It was struggle. Changes are not easy to make. Many times, I gave up. And then had to start from scratch... I tried to make an effort to go to church every Sunday. Eventually, it became easier. I stopped making excuses for myself. And there, God took over. At every service, God would reach out to me and cause me to come to terms with the things I was facing. Sunday by Sunday, He dealt with one after another of my needs. Then he sent and angel in disguise... Jolene invited me to Radi8, I went. And I am so glad I did! It just opened me up to so many things that were going on in church, that brought about a sense of belonging. There was a Youth Camp, I went. There was a need for ushers. I offered. I helped with props and sets for the Christmas Production and was even an usher at my Cell Group Leaders' wedding! I realized that if I had just sat and waited for something to happen, I wouldn't have experience any of these. It took a decision on my part to be involved, and then I was blessed with friendships and good memories!

All these little things gave me back the confidence that was robbed from me... and personally, I was in a relationship with God again. And it was, and is the most liberating relationship anyone could ask for. He restored my peace. He picked me up and led me thru all those challenges that I was facing. He turned my tears into smiles... I am not exaggerating. Many people don't really know what I go thru in private, coz there are some things I just don't tell anyone. But this journey was one between God and me. It was a second chance, to change, to reunite, to serve, to learn, to be forgiven and loved with an unconditional love.

And I am so thankful for everything He orchestrated to bring me back to Him. He heard the yearning of my heart, He listened, and He answered. And made everything beautiful... causing me to stand in awe.

In one year, I went from this

to this.

How can I stay silent?

I start the new year with this song.
[The tune is here]

You’ve turned my mourning into dancing
Removed all my sackcloth and clothed me with joy
That my heart may sing to you
And not be silent
Oh Lord my God
I will give thanks to You

For You have set me free
Brought me new liberty
And I can never be the same again
I live in victory
For Jesus died for me

I want my life to testify
I want my life to glorify
I want my life to magnify your name

How can I hold back
How can I keep silent
Considering what God has done for me
I was bound by law
By sin and death held captive
But by the spirit of life
I am completely free

Saved by a "Browse..."

2008-12-29T15:07:00.006+08:00

(Excuse me while I jot down some geeky stuff.... but I intend to keep an account of this, as a ray of hope when I get "bugged" again :) )

I have been facing a HUGE problem with my Honours Project coding... a barrier I have been trying to jump for weeks due to lack of knowledge and too many other things to do that I couldn't spend sufficient time getting it sorted out.

I have my back-end program coded in Perl but my front-end web interface is in PHP. So I have been trying to find a way to link them up. Oh the pain!! I guess it could have been pretty simple if I had basic knowledge about how these things work, but unfortunately I am and extremely un-weathered programmer... so my only options were to ask around and browse tutorials and forums (which were futile, coz they did not apply specifically to my problem)

But about 5 days ago, I did manage to have a couple of conversations with a programmer at BII who suggested I try three things:
(1) Re-code my Perl into PHP (Makes sense coz then everything will be in one uniform language... but I cringed at the thought of re-writing my code)
(2) Find and install the required files to be able to call a Perl class from PHP (have been trying to achieve this, but nothing made sense...)
(3) Try using forms in PHP that call a perl script via CGI (Brand new thing that I have never considered, never heard of, but figured it wouldn't hurt to try and see if I could decipher how to do it

So from then till yesterday night, I haven't had the time to try anything. So I just used my spare time during traveling and sleeping to pray. Something caused me to look upward for assistance. I simply had a couple of conversations with God.

You might not have done any programming in your 33 years on earth. But, I am certain that you were there when the blue-print of our creation was being drawn out. :) So know you know all these things because you were right there when these mind-boggling-ly intelligent people were created, who then invented the computer and the whole list of languages and logic that goes with it. Please Lord, give me some insight to how to solve my problem. I am running out of time, out of fuel and out of will-power. It drains me to have to fiddle with the same problem for such a long time. I ask for your guidance and divine interference as I try my hand at this problem again. Show me the way....

I was practically pleading with God, humourously. :)

And so last night. I tried. I typed....

" form method="get" action=".... "

... and a little blue box popped-out with suggestions to what could be inserted after the ". It said "Browse...".

Hmm.... why not? I clicked it.. and selected the Perl script that I wanted... Saved. And refreshed my browser.

AND LO AND BEHOLD...

It Worked!!!

It just simply did. I gasped. The thought of all those days that had gone by... and suddenly, it just WORKS. I cannot express such a liberating feeling. I felt a shiver running up my back.

And in my heart, I gave God a "Hi-5"!! ;)

Count on it.

2008-12-22T00:52:00.004+08:00

(1) I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.
(2) I know what I'm doing.
(3) I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me,
(4) I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else,
(5) I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." God's Decree. "
(6) I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—God's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile.
(7) You can count on it.

Jeremiah 29:10-14
Pastor Peter Lui

Smiling at good memories

2008-12-14T19:29:00.022+08:00

Its been a really fast (yet somehow slow) year... ironic.
I intended to write about the year, but as usual, I've lost the drive for it... -_-

But...! I will still write!
After the exams I was supposed to get down to work but I haven't!! :(
Exams ended on Dec 3rd. Was doing random admin stuff for the two days before I left for Malacca on the 6th. Malacca was aweeeesome! We just ate and ate! Pacing ourselves not to get too full before we had tasted everything we should on the list. This is what we did...

10am: Ate Dim sum breakfast at JB.

1pm: Arrived in Malacca, checked in, lazed around. I looked outside the hotel room window and could not accept the fact that there was a rather dense mangrove look-alike growing on a patch of sand that used to be bare a few years (not sure how many) ago. Ate Seremban Siew Pao (courtesy of Lishun). It was sooo yummy! Soo sooo yummy! I can still taste it!

About 2pm onwards: Headed out to Jonker Street. Stopped by on the way to drink soya bean and eat tau hue. Ahh soo good! *beams.

Then we walked on, (got lost), walked back to the car and off to the right place for chendol! So we drank chendol, and ate mee siam and rojak.

Then... hmm... then... we just walked I think. Trying random stuff on the way. Maltose coated fruits...

...pineapple tarts (tasting before buying, its considered eating too!) and asamboi ice lolly (that sounds soo English! Its "Aiskrim Malaysia" lah!). Of course along the way we were taking all sorts of silly, annoying pictures... like tourists do! :)

By that time, we decided to head back to the room, and freshen up for dinner! Nyum nyum! Us girls managed to fit in a short while of shopping before we went to Ole Sayang for Nyonya Food, which was (I have no better way of expressing it) sooooo goooood!!!

About 11pm: Then it was 5 hrs of Karaoke! Tiiiiiiiiiiiiing Hai Ku De Sheng Yiiiiiiiiiiiiin.... with LOTS of gusto! (Yes I hummed to some of the Mandarin/Cantonese songs that I knew, and and sang a couple of ABBA songs... good fun!).

About 3am plus: Strolled back to the hotel entrance, but decided to go for toast and coffee instead (Its a FOOD trip, remember!!? ;)) So we walked... and sat and ordered and joked and ate and sipped and walked back and washed up and snoozed...

Awake by 9.30am to go for Chicken Rice Balls! I tell you... the chicken itself was so scrumptious. And forget about the balls, the un-balled rice was so yummy too!

Then we walked Jonker street again. This time we tried Tuk-Tuk candy... Icky-sticky. :(

The we arrived at the chendol shop! Chendol again, of course!

I preferred the first one (scroll-uppp) actually, for its long-term shiok-ness. But everyone else said this was nicer because of its gula melaka, although they agreed that the shiok-ness was short-lived once the gula melaka was diluted off by the milk ;) And some of us ordered laksa which looked good, but I had no more space in my tumms.

And we had the fried yong tau foo as well, and I must say the sauce is the best I have EVER tasted. It was so good I was wishing I could ask the aunty to pack some for me... but I had to behave :(

About noon: Walked back to Dataran Pahlawan, stopping along the way to take drama photos at the play ground and train "monument". The clowns we (they, actually) were... :P Shopped a while... then headed to the Crepe Cake shop.

Now, the crepe cake was nice, but I guess you gotta know how to enjoy it. Some said that all the flavours tasted the same, but I guess that's because the main part of the cake is the crepe, and the "differentiating" flavours only come from the cream in between and the toppings.

And some had tea, which was served in a pot with a hat (!) and an hourglass ;) Charming :)

Then it was time to go back and pack for the trip back to JB. Although our food trip didn't end! Ash and I had corn-in-cup and waffles at the Rest & Relax place, and then we met Choonie's family for a 9-course dinner in JB! Muahaha... The highlight of the restaurant was its herbal chicken, and it was good. :)

So that was it! 2 days packed with food, good company, crazy photography and lots of fun :)

Then we got back to Singapore, and I had to attend a 3-day seminar while recovering from such a good trip. Then I went back to Malaysia, Kluang this time, to see my family. And I am soooo glad I could meet up with Malan! It was just the right timing :) Chatting with Malan is always so much fun... I guess coz we have a similar sense of humour (Would you agree to that, Malan? :P) We spoke of wheat, mice, coffee, metal barred windows and high voltage, floods, fish spas, movies (good ones and lousy ones), family, jobs, and a number of other things in no particular order. Now I wished we had taken a photo together! Aiyo... Anyways, we must meet up again, then :)

Basically sums it all up...

2008-12-01T08:37:00.003+08:00

To know the will of God is the greatest knowledge.
To do the will of God is the greatest labour.
To know what you do pleases God is the greatest pleasure.

Perfect

2008-11-09T16:25:00.004+08:00

I was randomly reflecting on how my life has been growing and changing in the past couple of years. Very quickly, flashes of moments when I wasn't at my best, moments I know I let God down, raced thru my mind.

And I just sighed silently.. "Lord, in spite of everything I am... You know everything about me... but it hasn't stopped You from loving me... and I know I don't deserve it..."

More moments flashed thru...

And I felt God speaking... but told myself "Nah... its just my head"...

But He said:

"I don't require my children to be perfect,
but acknowledge My perfection in your imperfection"

Now, "my head" would not construct such a precise sentence... I know it was God :)

And it was comforting, to be reminded that God's perfection completes every imperfection that is in us. Every mistake, every stupid thing I have done, has been made up for by His perfection.

And that alone was enough to make me feel perfect... in Him :)

I'm glad someone already wrote this

2008-11-08T16:41:00.004+08:00

The Big Bang Machine Is Broken

I agree... to how man tend to try our best to dig deeper... find more... convince further... when some answers are meant to be left a mystery. It was created... by an incomprehensible Creator... so the more we dig... the more we find that we can't find the end to finding. ;)

I do understand the amount of time, money, effort and sweat that had gone into developing and building the LHC. I understand that for many of these scientists, it was something they had focused all their energy on. But, sometimes, we need to be careful how we set our aims and visions. If the aim is to belittle the existence of a Creator, then I guess there will just not be any blessing for success. And I'm sure God has already ordained what we are suppose to find out and what is meant to be left unknown.

Let it be a mystery... let it be that we stand in awe and wonder...
Because in that wonder... we find Him.

Cool stuff!

2008-11-04T23:33:00.005+08:00

Google is awesome! Wanted to know how to say "patience" in Hebrew.. found it in Yahoo! answers (I repeat, using Google), with a list of other words!

faith -- אמונה -- emuna
hope -- תקווה -- tikva
love -- אהבה -- ahava
joy -- שמחה -- simcha (or ששון -- sason)
peace -- שלום -- shalom
patience -- סבלנות -- savlanut
kindness -- חסד -- chesed
goodness -- טוב -- tuv
faithfulness -- נאמנות -- ne'emanut
gentleness -- עדינות -- adinut
self control -- שליטה עצמית -- shlita atsmit

Savlanut......

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
~Galatians 5:22-23

You Have Our Attention, Lord

2008-10-26T15:02:00.003+08:00

What's in store for the world? What are we suppose to be doing...?

God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them. (Lk. 18:7)

http://maxlucado.com/nationalprayer/

The "Lipstick Jungle" phase

2008-10-22T00:21:00.019+08:00

Read my lips
Be all that you can be.
Make a difference, give your dreams to me
No time for sleeping.
There's too much to do
Don't you forget that
We do what we want to do

Let's get nuts. Let's make some money
Ooh aah..
Let's freak out... Ooh aah...
Read... my... lips.

~The Bomb - Bitter:sweet~

I'm enjoying this drama series! :) Its that kind of life.. full of drama.. that I wish I will have (when it comes to loyal friends and eventful days) and also, wish I won't (when it comes to devastating mistakes)... bitter sweet it is!

Did you know?!

2008-09-27T21:42:00.004+08:00

If left unchecked, a single E. coli bacterium replicating once every twenty minutes could replicate to equal the mass of Earth in twenty-four hours.

Whoaaaaa....powerful.

[Source]

World on Fire - Sarah McLachlan

2008-09-24T20:33:00.001+08:00

A song with a cause. :) Watch the video!
What $150,000 can do.

Joy, Mercy and Love

2008-09-24T19:04:00.003+08:00

Praising You is a gift of joy.
Finding You is a gift of grace.
Seeing You is a gift of mercy.
Living in You is a gift of love.
Being with You is a gift of peace.

Image taken from here.

Totally grossed out :(

2008-09-17T00:41:00.004+08:00

Human beings. Those that don't show the tiniest bit of respect for another. Those with so much inflated ego.. that they can't see clearly. How I wish they would wake up.. because I don't think its very much fun being like them. Sighs...
Wake up la... wake up..

Do unto others as you would have them do to you.
What goes around comes around.
You are the company you keep.
You become the things you think.

Think about these.. if any of these gives our tummy a sick feeling.. or makes our veins twitch.. or whichever physical reaction that comes with guilt... then there's some areas we need to work on in our lives.

None of us is god. None of us has the right to demean another. None of us are even close to saying that we are better than the one next to us. All of us have secrets, pains, weaknesses, problems. All of us have fallen short of our standards before.. we've made mistakes.. we've apologized about them.. and we have been forgiven for them. So how dare we not forgive another? How dare we judge another for their inequities? How dare we?

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
- Matthew 7:3

Have respect. Whether its for a person, a community or even a country.

A search for peace...

2008-09-11T00:17:00.004+08:00

Was a good triplet of songs to hear.. suited my mood.
But in my heart, I knew I was looking for a deeper peace, one that can only come from One Person.

So I lay my burdens at His feet, and will keep doing the best I can to live my days.

Aslan the Lion

2008-09-10T00:37:00.007+08:00

It has been a difficult week. Not that the week is over... sighs.

I think the root of it is that I am not getting good sleep. I can sleep for a long time, but still unrested. Very uneasy and uncomfortable.. wake up with body aches instead of feeling fresh. Bad bed. :(

And I got totally swamped with work. Continuously working it seems... but hardly getting very far. Getting by, but not getting far. Everything is going well, just at a very monotonous routine.

And all this would not be too much of a burden if I was not emotionally tired as well. It feels like a dry spell. Like a phase where I am thinking more than I can comprehend.

In the midst of a horrible night last night, I had the most amazing dream. But I can't remember what Aslan said. :( Yes, Aslan the Lion. I felt honoured. And in awe. I poured my heart out to Him. He said something in return, but I can't remember what. :( Maybe I'm not suppose to. But I am still in awe when I recall the dream.

Sigh... at times like these, I just want to disappear. Tired of this rat-racing world, so busy going after so many things all the time. I don't want to be part of it, but somehow, just got sucked into it. It has become a requirement. Sad.

And I wonder, in the midst of the race, how does one handle emotions? Where do you go to think... to feel... to ponder, worry, care, cry... pray...? Are these obsolete? No point thinking? No point worrying? Cry for what? Not gonna change anything... Sigh. It can't be. I don't really know what else to say, really.......

If you are there, GO!

2008-09-02T11:09:00.000+08:00

I wish I could...

3:16 Live
October 4, 2008
San Jose, CA
7 p.m. - 10 p.m.

Answered

2008-09-01T00:04:00.005+08:00

I was truly blessed by today's Worship Service. It was amazing. Derek was worship leading. And the moment it began, something just pierced straight into my heart. And just half way thru the first praise song, I was already choking up.

I could feel how sincere the worship team was, and I could feel the praises making their way up, making a sweet sound to His ears. I cannot explain in words how wonderful it was.

I started to cry, asking God if that is what He would want me to do. I have always hoped and wanted to be part of the worship team. Always wanted to worship lead. I love worshiping and praising Him.. and I love music.. so I felt the worship team will be an awesome place to be. But for some reason today, I was feeling a very weird tug in my heart. I was looking at Derek. It's not about singing well, its not about knowing the tunes, it's not about the choice of songs, or the sequence, or the music... Its really about the heart. And I could see so clearly, that he was leading the worship with anointing. And that was what made me tear... I appreciated and truly admire his sincerity... that God could so clearly speak to our hearts thru the worship service.
Is that what You want me to do, too, Lord? Stand up there and lead Your people for worship?

And that's when I heard it. It was so clear, yet so quick and subtle.

"Stand with the congregation and worship Me with all your heart, together with my people."

I was stunned at first. And then it settled in. God just spoke to me. Directly. Answering the very question of my heart. And I felt such release.. and joy. Be a follower. I know now, I am to stand and worship Him with all my heart. If everyone is up there with the worship team, who will be standing with the congregation to worship the Lord together with all our might and heart. I love worshiping Him. So that's what I'll continue to do... :)

Not my desire, Lord, but Thy will be done

2008-08-24T22:50:00.005+08:00

Its difficult, isn't it? To die to one's own desires and surrender all we are and all we have and all we are going to be into God's hands.

I know some who disagree with the sovereignty of God will say its the stupidest thing to do. "One life, live it!"

I always feel it is so difficult to explain why is it that God is sovereign. Why do we surrender our lives to Him? Who is He? Many times, we hear Christians say "If you accept Christ into your heart, all your sins will be forgiven and you will go to heaven".
Everytime I hear this, I twitch. Not because I don't believe it. I am a living testimony of God's forgiveness and grace. I twitch because I feel the focus is shifted. I feel one should be compelled to accept Christ as their Lord because that is His rightful place. Not only so that we can go to heaven.

And today, the speaker at church addressed this. Why did Jesus die for us?
We always choose to only look at one of the reasons. The selfish one. Jesus died for me. So that my sins are washed away and I will go to heaven and live an eternal life with Him. And this is why we hear people bringing their friends to church solely for the reason of being forgiven and going to heaven. Yes, of course!

BUT.. what is the other reason, the frequently (and deliberately) forgotten one?

Jesus died for us because God wanted us back. He wanted to regain ownership. And for that, there was a price to pay. To be considered an owner of something, you have to pay for it. So, we were bought, redeemed, saved, brought home with a price. So who do we belong to? God. What were we purchased, redeemed and saved from? Sin. Death. Satan's rule. Everything that we tend to be by nature of mortal humans. We were the aim of His suffering.

Jesus said "I will lay down My life to redeem all of theirs, and wash them clean. Because they are Mine. And anything that is Mine, is to be spotless." He is not interested in the sin. He despises sin. But He is interested in us.

We are His. Firstly, He made us. Secondly, He redeemed us.
So does He not deserve our all? Does He not deserve to have a say in our lives? Does He not have the authority to lead, guide, and correct us? After all, His plans for us are always to prosper us, and not to harm us. Does He not deserve to have our fullest loyalty.. our highest honour... our greatest love?

So often we are alright with the going-to-heaven part, but when it comes to God having authority over our lives.. Noo Nooo Noooo! We want God to let us steer the wheel.

If we hold ourselves away from Him, furiously refusing to accept the so-called "impracticality" of this "faith" and the fact that there is a being greater than our oh-so-superior selves, we are robbing God of what is rightfully His. We are taking what belongs to Him and running away with it. Now, isn't that called robbing?

And He waits patiently. He watches as we choose to walk thru life on our own. He aches as He sees us stumble and fall, but refuse to reach out for His outstretched hand, ready to pick us up. And He still longs for us to come home. In spite of our pride, He wants us to come home. To acknowledge Him as King of our hearts. Because we are all His.

If only we will accept this invitation.
Consider the chance that all I have been rambling about could actually be true...
And if it is... what joy, what beauty, what freedom and liberation one will be missing out on if one chooses not to soften their hearts or open their eyes.
Put aside the burden of the past, put aside the logical interpretation, put aside upbringing and background and lifestyle and Sunday mornings. And give God a chance to show us that He is real. If we never look, we will never see. If we never listen, we will not hear.

I am glad that I am a child of God. I am glad that He is my Lord.
And today I made a pledge to my Saviour and Lord.
Not my will, but Thine be done, Lord.
Grant me the desires of my heart only if it is of Your will first.

I have come to realize that there is nothing greater than living in the will of God. Nothing else can compensate with the assurance of the goodness of God's plan and will for our lives. I can plan, and delegate, and figure things out... but if it is not in His will, I don't want it. I used to struggle with this issue. I wanted God to be hands-off on certain areas of my life, because I wanted things my way. But I thank God for His conviction and grace, and for changing my heart. Now I see... that it is not worth going against His will. Because He knows best. And He loves me the most. And he makes everything beautiful in His time.

It takes a submissive heart...

2008-08-16T01:00:00.004+08:00

A child submits to the love, advice and instructions of her parents.
A parent submits to the noble desires of the child's heart.

A student submits to the rules of the school.
The school submits to its visions and missions for the children, the parents and the country.

Employees submit to the authority of their boss.
Employers submit to the needs and welfare of their employees.

A government submits to the well-being and prosperity of the people.
The people submit to the country's regulations and policies.

A friend submits to the ways of a friend...
A lover submits to his lover.
A lover submits to her lover.

A church-goer submits to the church's vision and etiquette.
A church submits to God's plan for direction and purpose.
A believer submits to God's will and heart...

Lord I pray that our hearts will be submissive.. for a proud heart will prone to wander and forget. Forget You, forget Your goodness, forget Your blessings.

Teach us to respond in kindness,
humbling ourselves.. because You first humbled Yourself,
and loving others sincerely... because You first loved us.

If we only had one day...

2008-08-02T16:38:00.002+08:00

I guess many will just say, "Well, I don't only have one day... so I can do whatever I want!" So then, what about if today was the last day?

I was sitting opposite a blind man in the cafeteria today. Seen him around a few times, but never so up close. He depended on the lady at the cafe to get him the things he needed, pull up a chair, and order his food. He couldn't even see his food. This was the first time I ever saw how a blind man eats. Its sad.

And I thought... what will it be like if he was given sight for just one day? What would he do?

Most of us are so blessed. We can see, smell, hear, talk... but do we sometimes forget how precious these things are? If any of these were taken away from us, would we regret not using them for the best purpose while we had them? And when we are given the chance to have that sense again... what will we do with it?

If today was the last day we could be talking... what would we be saying?
"That stupid fella thinks he is so damn smart!!"

If today was the last day we could be seeing... what would we be seeing?
How Britney Spears has made a total fool of herself, and laugh at all the stupid jokes about her.

If today was the last day we could be hearing... what would we be hearing?
Some random song about how a guy hates his mother.

I may be really extreme here, but these are true. We waste our little time on earth striving to be the best, waiting for someone to fail, venting our pain and anger, hoping that other person wasn't as successful as he/she is.

Some scribblings found in a 5 year old notebook

2008-06-24T01:46:00.009+08:00

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
~ Theodore M. Hesburgh

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
~ Lion

A child is not likely to find a Father in God unless he finds something of God in his father.
~ Glenn Wheeler

I totally agree with the first one.
I somewhat disagree with the last one, because I feel that no matter how badly an earthly Father does, God is able to find a way to show us His everlasting and unconditional love for us. :)

Thoughts

2008-06-17T01:34:00.003+08:00

Before the mistake, they need discipline and advice.
After the mistake, they need love and understanding.

I need to calm down... :(

2008-05-04T16:01:00.003+08:00

The weather is so hot. :( I'm sweating beads. :( My laptop is hot and even typing this is burning my palms. :( I've got 7 webcasts. :( I wanna finish by midnight.. but my past bad experiences with my so called "plans" is making me doubt that I will. I want a cold drink.. but I've had so many already. I want water, but it tastes horrible :( I want to study, but nothing is making it easy for me. I need to do past year papers! Everyones doing them! And asking me how to answer. Argh... like I am not stressed enough. Sigh.

You got me thru my past 4 papers. I know You will get me thru the rest. I just don't wanna be so irritable. :( It spoils my mood.. then I can't absorb.. then I tend to give up or take a break which is a total waste of precious tiiiiiiiiiiiimeee!!!

Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes

2008-03-13T23:39:00.004+08:00

We've grown up. We've journeyed through our success, and failures, and struggles.. exams, and interviews... mistakes and all those embarrassing moments.. and its not over. We feel we're growing old, we know we're adults now... and sometimes it scares us too.

I stopped and looked at me through my parents eyes. Can you imagine? They watched us from the time we could barely open our eye lids.. through those years when we stumbled about...and when we grumbled that this girl in school was mean, and when we had our phase of "Abercrombie clothes and 15 pairs of shoes" (which we're probably still in).

It tugs at my heart... the thought of what it feels like to have held your child's hand all this while, only in preparation to let it go someday. :( How difficult it was for my mom when I left home to study.. all the thoughts that would have been flooding her mind day in, day out. Whether I'm safe, whether I'm alright. After being my umbrella and shield for the pass 18 years, how could she imagine me one my own. But she loved me enough to let me fly away. And my dad.. all those years of protecting me from this dangerous world.. he had to trust me enough to let me make my own decisions, and make them well. I may not have done a very good job... and that was probably something that would have run thru his mind a million times. What if she makes a mistake.. will she be ok? Who will be there to cover for her? Whose gonna hold her when things goes wrong? Who's gonna put her on the lap and assure her that everything's gonna be alright?

I love them so.

I understand all the times they scolded or picked or didn't allow me to get or do what I wanted.

How could they allow me to, when they know it might hurt me?

I'm sorry for the times I thought I was smarter.

It might have seemed like they had no clue, but from their point of view, I belonged to them, the most important responsibility God entrusted upon them. And they were and still are doing the best they can and know. And to me, it is the best possible :)

And I love them for it all.

3:16 Sunday!!

2008-03-12T12:34:00.005+08:00

It's awesome! How when different pieces of knowledge comes together, it can really make you stand in awe... :) I love it!

What am I talking about? ;)

So my darling friend is in US.. and he mentioned In-N-Out before (don't really remember if he's eaten there before).

And I got a newsletter from Max Lucado about this Sunday being March 16, so it'll be 3:16 Sunday.

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life."
The most important verse in the Bible, beginning with God, ending with life.

So I go to Wikipedia. And scroll down to find all these put together!

In-N-Out has Bible verses written on a number of their stuff! So cool!
The double-double wrapper lists Nahum 1:7. John 3:16 is printed on soda cups, Proverbs 3:5 on milkshake cups, and Revelation 3:20 on hamburger and cheeseburger wrappers. How cute!!

Awesome Idea!

2008-02-18T20:27:00.001+08:00

This may really work!

Ask ourselves...

2008-02-05T16:28:00.001+08:00

The question of the year: How do you help/treat people who cannot help you?

Guy Kawasaki, taken from here.

So will we only suck up to those who will help us work things out for our good?
And be sweet to that hot guy, whom we hope will notice that we're wearing his favourite colour?

Or will we be kind to that waiter or receptionist or taxi driver or customer service personnel or janitor, who probably won't be doing much for us personally (since we're paying their salary, anyway)?

What mentality would you choose?

Another good one that I agree with:

If you knew how hard it is, you wouldn't do it. Take that and apply it to me choosing to do my crazy course! Oh gosh, I so didn't know what I was getting my self into! Now I knoooow... oh, and the pain!! But I haven't fallen out of love with it, so I'm alright :)

A Testimony

2008-01-26T15:04:00.002+08:00

When you live by your values, you live up to your true self.

Very true, but what if I have fallen short of myself? What if I have not lived up to my own standards? That’s worst than not living up to other people’s standards!

I kept having this feeling of disappointment.. one that I couldn’t really explain. I could do well in anything.. but I would still be silently disappointed with myself. I must admit, I have been battling with something for quite sometime, and have lost again and again. And because of that I constantly feel like I am not myself. I feel inadequate and small. I have always had very high expectations for myself.. and would hardly forgive myself if I let myself down. I know it’s nothing big, but I realise that it is expereiences like these that makes God’s love so meaningful. He knows everything that happens in my life.. He knows each time I sin.. each time I fall short of His standards.. each time I try but fail.. and each time I just go against it all.. AND YET, He loves. He could get really sick of people like me if He wanted to. “How many times should I forgive her?? I have done so much.. in fact I have died for her, and still she does such things and thinks she can keep coming back for forgiveness??” I guess that’s what will happen if one of us were God. But His love is so unfailing, beyond our comprehension. I believe that many people would have reached a point in our life where we feel “How could God love me anymore?”. But I am more than sure that He can. And I am more than sure that He forgives. Each time we come before Him, and repent, our records are wiped off clean. Imagine that.. it’s not like deleting a file on your computer.. where the file is actually still hanging around somewhere.. but is just not visible so that it’s out of the way. With God, it’s totally trashed, and burnt and thrown away in the deepest ocean. Exaggerated? How can I not exaggerate such love??

So when I strayed and was unable to feel like I’ve lived up to my true self.. God was my only way out. If not for Him, I may never accept myself. He gives me the assurance that no matter how many times I try and cry, He will hear me. It takes faith to believe this, and it is a challenge to have such faith. And if we do not experience such things in life.. we might not submit to God’s love, considering human’s ego. So I have told myself that everything I have experienced is for me to learn and grow in the knowledge of God’s love.

That changes me from being a victim of the world, to a blessed child of the Heavenly Father.

Grumpy People...

2008-01-17T11:04:00.001+08:00

... who don't get enough sleep and have too much to do. Eeeeee.... lighten up! Everybody tries hard to get things done as soon as they can.

I have no idea what the point of this post is.. but oh well. Publish.

Unchanging like the Sun

2008-01-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

Ever put much thought to the sun?

How it shines continuously. It's strength never changes... its power never fades. It is always there. The only thing that changes is our view of it... the Earth's view of it. Sometimes we see the night, but the sun is there, doing its thing on the other side of the world. Sometimes its gloomy, and we don't see the sun, but that's coz of the clouds. Sometimes, its the trees or even, tall buildings that block its rays. But its there. Its our Earth that changes.

Sometimes we take it for granted. We wake up every morning because of its brightness. We just know the sun's there. We don't need to go out to the open lawn and look up to the sky and scout for it. By the bright blue-ness of the sky, we know by faith, that the sun is there.

It doesn't need us. Us, Earth, we don't need to burn logs or let little tanks of gas out into the outer space for the Sun's perusal. We cannot do anything to contribute to its flaming glory. We can't make it shine any brighter or any dimmer than it does. We can't sing songs to it to make it smile down a brighter day.... or do a dance to simmer its heat. It doesn't need anything from us.

But on the other hand... we couldn't possibly live without it. And that doesn't need any elaboration. Just imagine waking up to a day when the sun didn't shine...

How amazingly does that fit into our relationship with God.....

He never changes. We could be the greatest person that ever lived, or we could be a total wreck. He's still there. His love stays the same. His guidance and wisdom still prevails.

We could dim our view of Him with the lies of the world... and be hidden from His light because of our sin. But He is still there shining, waiting for us to come back out into the light.

We could try everything we could to make Him love us more... but He already loves us unconditionally far beyond what we could ever imagine. Nothing we do could make Him love us more. Nothing we do can make Him want to forsake us.

And... we so, so need Him. We couldn't possibly live without Him. We cannot live a day without God by our sides. If we really ponder about it, it is plain to see that God is our life. The knowledge that God is watching over us, and has everything under control in a perfect ultimate plan gives us hope to breathe the next breath.

If there was no ultimatum, why live? If there was no God, why bother to try? If there was no truth, why care? If there was no purpose, why do our hearts beat and our lungs breathe without us telling them to?

So there is.

The story behind Amazing Grace.

2008-01-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

Once again, the Lord lead me back to this song.

A movie about how and who wrote the song. Hope I get to watch it, somehow.

But the part of the song that caught my heart this time was an additional verse, which we sang in Church today. And I didn't know it came from Amazing Grace.

My chains are gone I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

2007-11-21T21:03:00.000+08:00

“I think the greatest need in people is to hear that God is not angry with them. When they get to see how much God loves them, they stop running from Him.”

~Max Lucado

God falls in

2007-11-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

"A man asks his rabbi, "Why does God write the law on our hearts? Why not in our hearts? It's the inside of my heart that needs God." The rabbi answered, "God never forces anything into a human heart. He writes the word on our hearts so that when our hearts break, God falls in."

Imagine that... can't seem to think of a good analogy. No match for such quenching.

God falls in.

Its amazing....

Taken from here.
By: Martha Beck; O, The Oprah Magazine (June 2007)

Not happy

2007-11-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

Give me a break;!!!

I'm stuck in some sort of infinite loop.. :(
*Sigh...*

This is how I make decisions, more often than not.

2007-11-09T02:08:00.000+08:00

After thinking and thinking, after extrapolating... extending the line as far as I can go... as far as the story could possibly make sense... pulling it to the future, taking glimpses at the ideals, and twitching at the points where it couldn't get any worse...

I come back to reality (shivering at the horrible possibilities on the way) and say:

"I know people are gonna say that this is a big mistake... and maybe I'm gonna get my heart broken... but maybe it'll be worth it."

~Betty Suarez (and me)

The Word

2007-11-02T21:14:00.000+08:00

With love and strength for each new day

He will make a way...

And that's all I'm gonna live by.

Finally...

2007-10-30T14:33:00.000+08:00

This is officially my favourite music video now! :)

From all those I've watched over the past few years, there's no beating the simplicity and heart-warming mood of this one!

Words I needed to hear...

2007-10-26T01:09:00.000+08:00

Maybe He's speaking to me. Maybe He's trying to tell me it's alright. But I am refusing to accept. I refuse to let go. And I don't know why...

"We want to welcome the Holy Spirit’s conviction, and repent, but we shouldn’t get off the bus there. Our conviction should drive us to look upward to our Savior rather than inward on our sin; the gospel is our only hope and power for forgiveness and for real change."
~From: truthadorned

And then this song came to mind again...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

...and now I know the Lord is speaking to me. He is reaching His hand out to comfort me.. if only I will reach out also, to receive it. My dear soul, why do you want to be in the wilderness for so long?

Be still my soul
Be still my soul
Cease from the labor and the toil
Refreshing springs of peace await
The troubled minds and hearts that ache

Be still my soul
God knows your way
And He will guide
For His name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of His grace
Rest in the arms of His embrace

Be still my soul
Be still my soul
Though battles round you rage and roar
One thing you need and nothing more
To hear the whisper of your Lord

Be still My child
I know your way
And I will guide
For My name's sake
Plunge in the rivers of My grace
Rest in the arms of My embrace

Be still, be still my soul

Did you realise?

2007-10-25T19:48:00.000+08:00

The words "Once Upon A Time..." make you listen.

My mom said...

2007-10-18T19:10:00.001+08:00

"Wait for God to open a door for you. Don't open doors yourself, and slam them against your face..."

"...and when He opens them, walk in fearlessly"

Thanks for the wisdom ma.. you couldn't have said in any better way.
Think the pain I'm feeling is really all those doors slamming in my face. :( It hurts really badly. But I know that I need to get my life straightened out. There's so many things I want in life. Some are those reach-for-the-sky kind of dreams.. some are the I-just-want-to-dance-in-the-moonlight kind. I want a bit of both. A good job, where I know and love what I'm doing, and a good after-5 life, as well. I don't want to give up my coffee-with-friends and strolling-by-the-beach times. And I don't want to have them in place of a fulfilling career, either.

Yikes, Lord. How do you deal with such complicated children?? :) I love You so! And in the midst of my mess, burdens, inhibitions, and iniquities... You still reach down from Heaven and surround me with things that You know will assure me that You are walking this walk with me.

Corrinne talks about slamming doors too...

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breadth that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

~Five Loaves and Two Fishes by Corrinne May

Pure Purple

2007-10-14T01:56:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what the ad means.. but "Purple" and "Natasha" and the fact that this is the perfume I have... I am speechless! ;) How much more "coincidental" can God make my life! Hehe... it's awesome!

---
Title: Pure Purple by Hugo Boss, Natasha Vojnovic

Choice Series #1: To snooze or not to snooze

2007-09-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

Every morning I face the SAME dilemma. Regardless of what time I sleep. I could have dozed off at 11pm or dragged myself to bed after a long day at 3am... but still every morning when my alarm rings, I make a choice. And more often than not, its a BAD choice. Bad BAd BAD. "Just another 10 minutes"... I lazily put my phone alarm on snooze... and I SNOOZE. And the poor things rings again. Snooze. And again. Snoooze. And again! Snooooze. And finally I shut the alarm off. And what do I do? Haha. Snoooooze. Oh man. It's a crime. I waste time... and yet, I don't really get any extra sleep coz I have already woken up. Its just the heavy head and the groggy eyes that refuse to allow me to get out of my comfy, cool bed. And finally when I feel alright to get out, that is, no more head spins and I've been tossing around long enough that I'm starting to sweat, I realize how much time has flown by... and I feel miserable. What a horrible way to start a day! All because of a bad choice.

The bed is always there. And so is the study table. They never desert me... they will never run away. So its my CHOICE when and how to use them. A choice which I need to put much more weight on coz it seems to be affecting me quite a lot. I need time... which means I need to get out of bed when I am supposed to. Heck the head aches... Just gotta do it.. Somehow.

Yummy...

2007-09-12T17:50:00.001+08:00

If you find 'em, have 'em. ;)

7-Eleven Hot Chocolate. Comes in a vending machine. Good for a cold day, or when you just feel like pampering yourself with something warm, smooth, and a little sweet.

Chaqwa Coffee. I had it in Apollo Banana Leaf restaurant. It has a very distinct "wholesome" taste, one I liked, but not sure if everyone would. Not sure where else they have them, hoping to be suprised soon!! Works wonders after a heavy meal (esp Indian, haha..) and anytime you feel like having a cup of coffee that will make you go "Mmmmm".

Toodles! ;)

My Rat-a-too-ee Player!

2007-08-26T20:53:00.001+08:00

Flutter flutter

2007-07-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

Aiyer... irritating. I'm trying to talk to someone and my eye keeps twitching. Its interesting though... how does it happen? Hmm oh well.. they're explained in many health websites. Blepharospasm. Sounds scary. Most of them say that its related to...

Stress
Irritation of the Cornea or Conjunctiva
Fatigue
Lack of sleep
Prolonged staring at a computer screen or television
Nervous system disorders

I wonder why I'm having it. Its been around for three weeks!! Yeah, I'm stressed, but I've had worse before.

My Cousin's Ka...

2007-07-01T19:02:00.000+08:00

I called my 14 year old cousin for his birthday.... and gosh, he says Ka in every sentence.

He used to... and still does!! I can imagine him blinking his eyes away.. like he used to, too..
His "Ka" in every sentence made me loose track of what I wanted to say... Haha..

(Ka is short for Akka, which is elder sister in Tamil)

Me: Hi hi... could I speak to the birthday boy please?
Kelvin: Yes Ka. Hold on, Ka.
Nickalas: Hi Ka.
Happy Birthday!!
Thanks Ka.
How are you?
OK Ka.
What you up to?
Playing computer Ka.
And the others?
All watching TV Ka.
Oh okay. Cut cake already?
Err... no Ka.
Oh, maybe suprise later...
Maybe Ka.
So how's school?
OK Ka.
Got used to your secondary school subjects?
Yes Ka.
Good good... Erm, just called to wish you for your Birthday...
Ok Ka. Thanks Ka.
Ok. All the best, ya.
Thanks Ka.
Send my regards to mom, dad, and grandma...
Yes Ka.
Ok bye...
Bye Ka..

Be a dangerous man

2007-06-22T09:13:00.000+08:00

I know I know... I've disappeared for ages. Been too busy to even remember I have a blog. :P

Here's something to fill the empty gap. This saying is splashed across the entrance of the place I work in. I find it pretty well said :)

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible."

T. E. Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia)
British Soldier and Author
1888 - 1935

Aww...

2007-05-02T14:12:00.000+08:00

Would you believe this?!

The utter JOY of finding something like that in purple!! Hahahah.... I just stumbled upon it while looking for how to solve a system of non-linear equations.

Live onion to the fullest

2007-04-19T12:34:00.000+08:00

Life is like an onion:
You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.

OsCiLlaTioN

2007-04-19T02:17:00.000+08:00

Funny. My productivity level is oscillating like crazy. Had a relatively good weekend. Then TKOed on Monday. Studied full force on Tuesday. And back down to low productivity today. Sighs.. tough tough. Well I did achieve somethings today. Got my notes printed, had lunch, and dinner, and supper, and midnight snack, and 2am snack...., read thru one chapter on someone called PAM, something that BLASTS, and another thing that BLOSUMS. Gotta catch up FASTA (faster, I mean)!! Annnnywayz... I also learnt a new word. Pandiculation. First instance, you would probably think it has something to do with oscillation, or a pendulum thingy. But heyyyy.. go check it outttt..! ;) You would never guess that a word with such complex syllables, would mean something like it does. Unless, of course, if you already know what it means, then its a no brainer. ;)

~~~~~~
TKO - (noun), TKOed. Technical Knock Out.
1. To sleep a deep, deep sleep due to exhaustion
2. To be very difficult to wake up, even by multiple alarm rings, and phone calls.
DISCLAIMER: If this word does not exist in any dictionary, err... ;)

Pandiculation - See here.
~~~~~~

Signing off,
Talespin's gone nuts

Yesterday, Today, and Always

2007-04-05T09:04:00.000+08:00

There were times in my life when I really really really wanted something. Wanted so much... that I was so in tuned to looking out for it. And then eventually... I got it. But you know, getting it is one thing, but the realization that "Hey, I just got what I have always wanted" is completely and utterly amazing!! (I sound like Simon). But ya, its amazing. And I remember very clearly two instances in my life that I realized that its true.. God does grant you the desires of your heart. No matter how big, small, silly.. or absurd. I'm not really sure whether He grants it coz we were meant to have it... or whether its for the simple fact that He grants the desires of our heart. I had the notion that it might be the latter, coz one of the things he granted me was really something that I wouldn't expect Him to.

But however.. extrapolating all this to my situation now. Close to none of the things I want are coming thru. So what's wrong? Premis 1: God grants the desire of our heart. Premis 2: God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and always. Conclusion: I should still be granted the desires of my heart. So where's the missing piece? Is it possible that in fact I am not desiring it enough? Or have I become detached, and less in tune with the things of God.. for the lame reason of "no time"? Or is there this thick blanket of self-pity, low-faith, and disobedience hovering over my head, hindering His shower of blessing? Sigh...

Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, Last Supper, Good Friday, Easter. It was an eventful week for Christ back then. The week started with celebration, stooped all the way down to pain and burden, and ended once again, in celebration. He died for the sake of all the things that I lack. So I can be made whole, complete, joyful, confident, and most importantly, free. Why am I not claiming all these promises? Why do I live as if He never died, and never rose again? Why am I making it all go in vain?

I need change. And repentance.

Pondering...

2007-04-03T12:42:00.000+08:00

If my life is for rent
And I don't learn to buy
Then I deserve nothing more than I get
Coz nothing I have is truly mine.

~ Dido, Life for Rent

Let's celebrate...

2007-03-27T11:54:00.000+08:00

...the one-month anniversary of me not blogging. In view of this "joyous" event, let me just say something. Welllll... it doesn't really bother many that I don't blog often, coz hey, I wonder how many actually do read my blog. But I do know of one. (*wink. yes, girl, I mean you).

So, I shall dedicate this post to her. For the many times she has patiently waited for my blog page to load just to find the same title at the top, that has been there the past 20 times she visited. Hehe.. My dear, this sounds cheesy, but I do appreciate it. :)

I'm now in my stats lecture, waiting for the horrible lecturer to walk in... ahh.. the sight of him makes me quiver. This module has been a horror movie, and I don't like horror movies. Can't even stand those little human animations that get flinged up in the air and fall to the ground with a splat of red. Eeeew... what more this module. Sheer torture.

And my dear friend who will one day read this post, is snoozing in bed. Wake up!!! We're suppose to attend lectures together today. Hehe.. next time, you're not allowed to stay up beyond 3am, understood??!?

Oh noooooo.. Y.Y. is in the house. He trimmed his hair.. looks.. hmm.. oh my gosh!! He actually looks nice!!! Now I see why his wife would have possibly married him. LOL. Wahahaha.... Oh well, d.d.d. ;)

It's getting too hard

2007-02-27T13:12:00.000+08:00

I'm struggling to much. No. Actually, I'm not struggling enough. Why? Coz I am too lost to even have the chance to struggle thru it. Struggling is good. Coz it means you're churning thru things.. and finding solutions and learning something along the way. But what happens when you're so lost that you have no idea where to begin figuring things out?

I am on the verge of totally giving up. It's not that I am not trying hard to stay positive and fight my way thru. But it's RIDICULOUS. I chose computational biology because I thought it will be an area I will be comfortable in. Research Analysis. Modeling. Drug design. But, what do I do now that I realize I suck at analytical methods, I'm lousy at programming and as much as I would love designing models, they're not done using platercine or colour pencils!! I have to program!! What a vicious cycle to be in!!

50% of my time goes to CCA. 10% sleep, eat and everything else that goes with being a human being. I need to set about 20% time for my personal life... But to get anywhere in my course of study I need to put in at LEAST 60% of my time. Obviously, the math there doesn't make sense. And that's why my life is haywire now.

I am gonna lose it if I don't hold myself together.. but uptil now, I haven't found a way to hold myself together. I'm 22, and haven't figured out how to handle my days gracefully. Gosh, that's stupid. And it saddens me.

Hopeless? Nah.. I have hope. Not in myself of course. But for now, I'm just tired and upset.. so my human mind pushes hope out of view. But I know its there. Sigh.

I just wish I could go on reverse for a while, or at the least hit the brakes! I need to figure out what's going on, where I'm heading. People do need to stop by at the side of the road to read the map right? Reading the map while driving is gonna get them killed. :(

Dolphin gets a rubber tail

2007-02-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

:) Its heart warming to know that scientists are willing to put so much effort in such things. And of course, they should!

Read more about Fuji, the dolphin with a prosthetic tail!

And then I found out that they also helped another dolphin, Winter.

Rotating Illusion - Pink Eye Trick

2007-02-11T15:01:00.000+08:00

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, the dots will remain only one colour - pink.
However if you stare at the black “+” in the center, the moving dot turns to green.

Now, concentrate on the black “+” in the center of the picture.
After a short period, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see only a single green dot rotating.

It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and the pink ones really don't disappear.
Proof enough that we don't always see what we think we see...

Taken from here.

Frenzy!

2007-02-11T02:53:00.000+08:00

I've gone into a earring frenzy!! I used to have only one pair of earrings for daily wear.. but with all the bazaar's we have in school, I couldn't help it!! And thanks to my dear friend too! (Yes, girl, I'm talking about you :P) She is patient enough to stand there while I go "OooooOO, this is nice.." *pick it up and scrutinize* "But nah.. I dunno how to match it with my clothes" *put it back*. Hehe..

I went web window shopping the other day.. and found a few really nice ones too! This is the BEST I've seen so far!

Beauty eh? *melt* Hehe..

They're BACK!!!

2007-02-06T00:41:00.000+08:00

These kids are soooooooooo cute!!
Mini Simon is my favourite!! "It was pathhhhetic, seriously pathhhhetic"

*hoping I get a chance to follow this season.*

Sad..

2007-02-02T17:23:00.000+08:00

What's happening?? Three students from my uni passed away in the past two weeks!! Two of which were due to accidents. :( So sad.. just made my heart sink as I heard one after the other.

Sometimes we don't realise how unpredictable life can be. We take youth for granted. We're young.. we won't die anytime soon... Gosh, reality check. :(

Trust me, this is true. :)

2007-02-01T01:57:00.001+08:00

You Are a Jam Cookie

On the outside, you project a straight-laced, innocent vibe.
But on the inside, you're complex, exotic, and full of flavor.

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

University of Five Minutes (UFM)

2007-01-27T02:29:00.000+08:00

Wouldn't we all loooove to pay $20 dollars for our grad photo and get outta here!
Hahahaha...

Splendido.. favoloso..!

2007-01-26T16:38:00.000+08:00

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful.
You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

Oh so yummy... Beef and Egg Burger

2007-01-04T18:56:00.000+08:00

But they sadly don't have it in Singapore.. Whyyyyyyyy??? (Oh my gosh, maybe it's unhealthy! :S)

I had one chance to have it when I went home. I must say.. it's probably the best McD burger I've had. Its delicious.. in a simple kind of way. Ah.... *dreaming of sinking my teeth into a B&E now*

Watched "Meet Joe Black"

2007-01-03T12:12:00.000+08:00

And got to thinking…about love.

William was obviously a wonderful father, and a loveable person. He was intelligent and successful, yet full of heart. And the amazing thing about it was that, despite his busy schedule, and all the million things that could be flooding his mind, he always found the time to have a heart-to-heart conversation with his daughter.

And this time, it was about her love-life. He was concerned about the sparkless relationship she was having with his right hand man…and this is what he said:
(and he speaks really fast, in a mumbly kind of way...)

I know it's a cornball thing but
love is passion, obsession, someone
you can't live without. If you
don't start with that, what are you
going to end up with? I say fall
head over heels. Find someone you
can love like crazy and who'll love
you the same way back. And how do
you find him? Forget your head and
listen to your heart. I'm not
hearing any heart.
(a moment)
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll
come back. Because, the truth is
there is no sense living your life
without this. To make the journey
and not fall deeply in love -- well,
you haven't lived a life at all.
You have to try. Because if you
haven't tried, you haven't lived.

I took those words in as if I heard it from my own dad. It sunk in.. and I realized that that's the kind of person I am. I see beauty in love. I see worth, more than the most precious of things. Its not just a goodnight kiss, or a morning hug, or a call to say "I love you". Its every minute from that moment on. Forget all the human desires for passion.. beauty.. lust.. whatever.. It all boils down to that instant when you know your soul has found its mate.

Had Yourself a Merry Little Christmas?

2007-01-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

We wait all year for Christmas and it just whizzes by, doesn't it.. and before we know it.. we're waiting again!! :P

Ever thought of what your favourite Christmas song is? And why?

I thought of it once, and immediately knew that my best-loved Christmas song is "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas". Why..? Because I personally feel that after all the celebrations, and tree decorating, and gift exchange and fun... Christmas is a personal experience.

Somehow, the ambience of it causes us to reflect.. to love a little more, to be kind a little extra, to give in, to appreciate, and to remember. Whether Christian or not, whether church-going or home-staying, whether rainy or sunny.. somehow, it's a different day. The hug given to a loved one is a little tighter, and the smile exchanged with a stranger a little wider. Well, there will be exceptions, of course... but I believe that that beautiful night more than 2000 years ago carries some magic, a sparkle.. that lives on till today, and will live on till the end of our time.

The Lake House

2006-12-08T02:59:00.000+08:00

Was in the mood for romance.. and I got exactly what I wanted!! :P My favourite shot from the best movie I've seen in a long time:

I want a dog that plays chess with me too~~!

Just finished a whole series of these...

2006-12-07T12:54:00.000+08:00

Yup, and that's exactly what it felt like when I submitted my last paper yesterday...

Click the image for more of The Commoners.

A Challenge..

2006-11-17T08:29:00.000+08:00

... although its way ahead of time for me. But I believe that it is so true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

By Dennis Fisher.
Taken from Our Daily Bread.

Our family was excited to visit the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit that was coming to town all the way from Israel. These ancient copies of the Old Testament provide evidence that our Bible has remained accurate over the centuries. Our nephew Daniel was so elated about this outing that he told his schoolmates, “Our family is going to see ‘the dead sea squirrels!’” We all laughed when we heard his misquote. His little ears had turned a word he had never heard (scrolls) into a word he did know (squirrels). And in his childlike enthusiasm, he also knew that the family was going to see something wonderful!

Daniel’s excitement underscores an important spiritual aspect of parenting. Values are transmitted to our children not only by what we say but by the emotions we convey. Both content and heartfelt appreciation for God’s Word can be communicated to children in a variety of ways (Deut. 6:4-9), including what they overhear in our conversation with others.

Young children may not initially understand each spiritual idea we discuss, but they can catch the importance we place on it. Children pick up on spiritual values and grow in understanding as we express reverence and excitement about the Word of God.

Lord, give us wisdom to provide
The proper atmosphere
To lead our children in Your ways
By what they see and hear. —Sper

Train up a child in the way he should go—but be sure you go that way yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am so full!!

2006-11-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

Whoa.. what a lunch! Heheh.. I can't go back to studying with such a full tummy, right? (Excuses excuses... :P)

Ooooh.. I just came across this website again. I find it so mysterious! The write up about it does make a lot of sense. But I felt the pinch when at the last paragraph, the writer mentioned:

On the Web, bloggers, the tell-all diarists of LiveJournal, and Paris Hilton and her ilk are constantly jostling for attention. By contrast, the stories people send Mike are as mundane and unembellished as his site's home page.

Are we? Are you? Am I? Jostling for attention?? Oooops... and we're in the same sentence as Paris Hilton!! Hmmm.. not good. Heheh.. :P Now blogging sounds like an attention-seekers pass time. Well, I dunno.. I guess in the process of sharing our thoughts and releasing some stress, it sometimes turns out to sound like we're blowing trumpets and seeking attention. :S I mean.. look at the title of this entry! I rest my case! Hahahahaha....

I just learnt the meaning of a new word!
Ilk - like: a kind of person.

Sob Where did they go??

2006-11-03T18:40:00.000+08:00

Touched By An Angel, Hallmark Channel.

*Sob sob* This used to be my "comfort-show" every weekday after school. I used to look forward to get home and catch it at 4pm everytime. A very soothing, touching series.. constantly reminding us that in every situation, God loves you. I miss them! I miss waiting excitedly wondering who the guest appearance will be and what the episode is gonna be about. And when the dove flaps its wings and Della Reese (left in pic) starts to sing...

When you walk down the road
Heavy burden, heavy load
I will rise, and I will walk with you
I'll walk with you till the sun don't even shine
Walk with you, every time
I'll tell ya, I'll walk with you
Believe me, I'll walk with you

...I'll be already cuddled up in my living room sofa humming along.
They have such comforting faces.. and handsome too!! (oops.. yes, John Dye is one handsome Angel of Death!! Hehe.. my mom used to say, I hope he picks me up when I die. Lol..)

I found a whole episode of it on YouTube too. This one guest stars Mohammed Ali. Take a watch. I'll link you to the first part, and you can find the other parts under the list of related videos. :) You can hear the intro song I was talking about in the first part here!! :P Oh no.. now I really miss them! I've got goose bumps!! Look out for the "tring" sound everytime one of the angels appear (either visible or invisible). Heheh..

Produced by Martha Williamson. Check out her webbie.
There's a message from Roma Downey (centre in pic)! She said Della Reese and she are planning another series! Yippeee...

A wise friend said:

2006-10-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

In NUS, there are only three things you can do:

Study, CCA, Sleep.

You can only choose two.

So true! Wahahahahaha....

What???! hyperventilate

2006-10-20T09:35:00.000+08:00

Whoaa.... Just when I though I need a break....

I had a chat with a close friend whom I haven't seen for some time.. and she was telling me how busy she has been and will be. And I was awe-struck!!

She is taking 5 modules (same as me). One of hers is an experimental biochemistry module. She said her group is so hardworking that she has no choice but to put in 15 hrs a week in lab. Trust me, I've tried that a few times before; it can drive you insane! "You can't stop enzymes from dying when they want to, right?"

Besides doing two logic/calculation based modules (I'm doing 3) and another bio module (i'm doing 2 bio mods), she's doing a SPS (Special Programme in Science) module too!! Which requires lots of reading and self-study.

Plus~~~! She's giving tuition once a week to an 'A'-Level S Paper Math student! She needs to find time to work out some problems the kid asks her before she goes for her next session.

OK.. based on my calculation (considering she says she needs at least 5 hrs of sleep), thats more than (7X24) hrs a week!!!! *faint*

Dun get me wrong, I'm not comparing our workload. I admit mine is rather different from hers, and I have other commitments too. But... talking to her sure gives me a whole lot of reasons to StOp ComPlaNinG about my plight.. Haha..

Gotta keep running this race! KeEp PreSsiNG On~~!

My lifestyle should be sent to detention!

2006-10-19T16:30:00.000+08:00

I've been awake for the past 22 hours... and yesterday, it was 23.
My last proper meal was 21 hours ago!! And this pattern has been going on for the past 2 weeks!

Gorsh... I'm asking for trouble I know, but its hard to fight un-sleepiness and dis-hunger. :P

But dun worry people.. I'm working hard to recover!! I know that...

Hahaha...
(Testing my "blink" function, which seems to only work in Firefox and not in IE! :P)

Hustle

2006-10-18T00:33:00.000+08:00

Oooooo.. I loooooove this TV series.
Its about 5 master con artists who "swindle money
from "respectable" but despicably greedy marks"!
And they are sooooo smoooooth....
And I loooooove it when Mickey puts on his purple coat.
He does that when they're going for the big con.
They're fast with their words, subtle in their actions, and oh so deceiving.

Waiting to get a chance to watch it again!! I want Hallmark Channel!!!!

My LSM2102 is in trouble...

2006-10-14T05:34:00.000+08:00

... big time!!!

That's all i can say.

*faint*

Mirror to mirror

2006-10-08T04:59:00.000+08:00

I had a C++ test today.. and so was studying for it last night. Loads of things to read thru and figure out (although I know that "reading" is not the way to go for a programming language). I was churning some concepts on Recursion. What's a Recursion? Well, it's a Recursion. Haha.. That's what they say~~!

Recursion
see Recursion.

I was so tired that it took me a while to figure out what was the catch there. Haha.. but it's fun! The concept of recursion.

So.. I only had a 45 minutes nap last night. :S And in that itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny frame of time.. guess what I dreamt? Lol..you'll never guess!

I dreamt I was in a recursion (!!) I kept reaching this point that kept taking me back to where I started again and again. And then suddenly in one of the "iterations", I got stuck in a fibonacci sequence! I struggled through it and finally got back out into the Recursion again.. (which now seemed like a safer place to be than in a fibonacci sequence) Don't ask me why!!! Gosh.. haha..

Considering, I was actually in the midst of some massive self-organising system, and I was one of the thingy that was being "organised"!!!

So I figured, let's go dig up some interesting results of recursions --> and I came across some really nice pictures!

So.. it looks like I was also in the midst of some great beauty... for 45 minutes or so.
Coz then the alarm just had to ring... and I opened my eyes wondering why my pillow wasn't following the sequence it was suppose to follow and hogging the way in the recursive function!!
Trust me, when you dream weird dreams like these, you wake up with a little bit of weirdness left-over!!

Like finding gold!

2006-10-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

Do you have a gmail account?
Have you used GMail Chat??

Hehe.. well, I may be really really slow to find this out.. but its so cool!

I'm used to using emoticons like :) and :P and :D.. and in GMail Chat they have this amazing way of becoming dynamic and turning around into a real smiley!!

And just now.. I found a new one! My fren and I were discussing something.. about something being less then 3... so she typed [less then]3, and it suddenly turned around into a cute little heart that then turned pink!! Oh my gosh!! I was so stunned! Hahaha..

I so appreciate such cute details!

Note: I can't seem to type the [less then] symbol..

Let's travel light

2006-10-04T22:08:00.001+08:00

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
(Matt. 11:28 NLT).

Rest from the burden of a small god. Why? Because I have found the Lord.

Rest from doing things my way. Why? Because the Lord is my Shepherd.

Rest from endless wants. Why? Because I shall not want.

Rest from weariness. Why? Because he makes me to lie down.

Rest from worry. Why? Because he leads me.

Rest from hopelessness. Why? Because he restores my soul.

Rest from guilt. Why? Because he leads me in the paths of righteousness.

Rest from arrogance. Why? Because of his name’s sake.

Rest from the valley of death. Why? Because he walks me through it.

Rest from the shadow of grief. Why? Because he guides me.

Rest from fear. Why? Because his presence comforts me.

Rest from loneliness. Why? Because he is with me.

Rest from shame. Why? Because he has prepared a place for me in the presence of my enemies.

Rest from my disappointments. Why? Because he anoints me.

Rest from envy. Why? Because my cup overflows.

Rest from doubt. Why? Because he follows me.

Rest from homesickness. Why? Because I will dwell in the house of my Lord forever.

encyclodictionalmanacapedia

2006-10-03T14:58:00.000+08:00

I just like the sound of it. Hahaha...
Encyclodictionalmanacapedia
It's probably beyond a know-it-all huh?

I have become good friends with Wikipedia.
Have been digging in there for lots of stuff.. from amino acids and urea cycle to random things like Yankee Doodle and Elliott Yamin! Haha.. Really appreciate it.
(Gosh, now I'm wondering what's this post for...:P)

Oooooh ya. I also found another wiki webbie that allows us to edit our own page. So fun! www.stikipad.com. The interface is so neat and clean and user friendly too!

Oh and this one: MyHeritage.com
I haven't tried the other functions, but i did play around with the Face Recognition
I look like Brad Pitt (haha.. looks like girls usually tend to look like guy celebrities), Carrie Underwood, and... Jim Carrey!! (Help!!!). No kidding.. try it if you want!

And.... before i sign off... catch this! It's soooo cute! I can't wait for it to start playing!!

Haha... chiaoz.

M.I.A

2006-09-17T16:56:00.000+08:00

Thanks for dropping by!

I will be Missing In Action for some time.. may only pop a note once in a purple moon (haha..)

Busy with school, lotsa work, programming (*whine...*) and Start-Up@Singapore.

Till I blog again, take care!!

Talespin

Press any key to continue... (Lol...)

The struggle

2006-08-21T19:10:00.000+08:00

In our world today.. one of the most difficult things to do is to be pure. Its hard to walk the straight and narrow path of holliness and righteousness before the Lord. As much as the heart wants to.. daily events just make it a continuous challenge. The way we dress, the words we choose to utter, the way we carry ourself, the choices we make, the people we listen to, the ideas we succumb to, the things we do with our time, and the most subtle of all, our silent thoughts. Ya, people may think I'm silly.. why do I put so much thought into everything I do? Why worry so much about doing what is right? Com'on girl.. it's a modern world! *Grrrr.. :P*

I was just doing a word search for something.. and in the alphabetical list.. there was a word that had a subnote:

"Undoubtedly the most offensive and taboo of all vulgarisms, however its use is becoming more frequent. Consequently it is gradually losing its offensiveness and perhaps will in due course become as accepted... (and so on..)"

Funny huh? A vulgarity losing its offensiveness coz people are overusing it.. sigh.

Just yesterday I watched a movie titled "Mom at Sixteen". I was watching it with my mom.. and I realized how differently we reacted to some of the scenes in the movie.

It was about Macy, a teenage girl coping with her "mistake".. how she first wanted to have things her way although her mom was trying hard to help her the best she could, taking care of the baby as if it was her own. Macy was so confident that her boyfriend would support her.. because they were really in love, but when he found out, he freaked out. The movie emphasised how Macy was a simple, decent girl (not the rebellious, little-dressed kinda girl who hooks up with every other boy). She felt that the boy and her were really in love. She refered to her experience as a pure love, because it was young and innocent, and they were not prepared to handle the passion that came with it. I felt sympathy for her.. I saw that she was decent and appreciated that she was not like the other girls. She did what she did out of love, and was now facing the consequences of her naive thinking.

My mom on the other hand was disgusted. She felt that such young kids shouldn't even be talking about these things, let alone do them. They don't know love. She just shook her head in disappointment at what the girl was going thru.

My question is.. when you compare a girl who made a mistake once and is willing to pay the price for it and girls who are doing the same thing again and again and don't even consider it a sin.. who is "better"? Or is that a biased way of comparing? What if we compare her with someone who withstood the temptation, and controlled herself? Is she just as bad as the other girls then?

If only it was easier to live a righteous life. If only it was difficult to stumble and fall and hurt God. If only we could set our words and actions and thoughts on auto-cruise, never to fall victim of our weaknesses and never to fall short of our expectations, and God's. As pure as white.

But I guess if that was life, we would be robots. Perfect robots. Probably faultless, history-less, memory-less, and heartless.

So if being perfect was a fantasy, how nice if we could at least wash all that pain and shame and guilt away the same way we take a bath and let the flowing water cleanse us?

I am so glad to know that that is possible. Thru Christ Jesus. He wipes our slate clean, if we ask for forgiveness and truly decide that we wanna change. And what happens if we go and commit the same darn sin again? He forgives us again. And again and again and again.

I started this entry with a puzzled mind.. but I guess God used it to speak to me instead. Ya, it has been hard to be a good Christian.. especially when there is no time and no support group, and no perseverance. Its so easy to give excuses for not spending time to pray and read the Bible. And without these two important shields, its sooooo easy to fall into sin. But I am claiming His promise of forgiveness and restoration.

What a night

2006-08-15T04:58:00.000+08:00

Woke up exceptionally early today (4.30am).. although I slept so late (1.45am). Feels good to be up before sunrise.. somehow. My mind feels clearer.. considering there was a whole junk of stuff in it when I went to bed.. like...

A close friend and I had a movie fling last Saturday.. three movies in a row, and flashes of images from those movies were racing thru my mind.

And then there were the songs that I was listening to thruout the day.

Of course, conversations I had... about people, and systems, and how people should learn how to say "NO" sometimes. Yup, that is an issue with me. I'm a "Yes" person, as a friend put it. Well, I know I used to be worse. At least I'm trying to push off some things now.. although its not easy.It's hard to fight the natural, I guess.

There was also my tight schedule somewhere in my brain. Planning how to catch the train just in time after my Friday meeting to get home to drive my family to KL for the weekend. Plus, I have a proposal I need to settle, but it seems to be more difficult than I thought it would be. Plus a few other things that need to be done, besides school, and work. But... I have a friend who's schedule is worse! (Look at me.. all these stuff in my head.. no wonder I was tossing and turning)

Then I was trying to pray.. asking God for a clear mind.. but it seemed difficult to squeeze in some brain cells for prayer when all that was already floating around....

And just then..... I slept off. (Talk about an answered prayer =))

And when I woke up.. It was 4.30am.

Your fire lights my way

2006-07-29T02:12:00.000+08:00

Am starting a new semester soon.. so back to lectures, books, and racing with time. Hoping for a better academic year.. hasn't been too good so far. Hmmm.. funny though. Things I have placed high hopes on.. returned below expectation. But things I hardly hoped for, came OvErFLOwInG. =)

A verse form a song that caught my attention -

"A ship that's in the harbour looks still and safe from harm; but it was not built to be there, it was made for wind and storm"

- reminded me of how we were made for a life full of challenges. I could choose to bob by the harbour, nice and comfy, or.. I could choose to pull up my sail and get out there. That's what I was made for. That's what each of us were made for, in our own special way, to take our place, play our part, and make the difference we were suppose to make. =)

I told myself that I may have fallen short of my expectations of life for now.. but I have not lost the chance to make everyday one step closer to getting it all back!

Ooh La La...

2006-07-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

I love this song.. and guess what? I never knew it was a soundtrack to a movie I love too! The Road to El Dorado! And I like the way they put Elton John in the place of Miguel! Nice! =)

A crazy day..

2006-07-10T00:35:00.000+08:00

So crazy that I can't even blog about it.. There are no words to describe. So I shall not attempt to do so. =)

How I feel: Relieved, a little more peaceful then yesterday, fresh, calm, tired, grateful, hopeful.

Things I have to do: Clean my desk!, read two books, lab notes, read unread emails, plan my modules for next sem, practise programming (ya, right.. I've been planning to do that for so long..!).

Things I wanna do: Read, sleep, go to the beach, cycle, swim, watch a good movie.

Schools gonna start soon! Well.. a month is considered soon for me.. I've got so many things to get in order before that.. most importantly, getting re-rooted in the Lord..

Pastor Raymond said today..

"Religion is about man approaching God and pleasing Him...
...but...
Christianity is about the One True God approaching man to have a relationship with us.
The ball is in our court. It's our turn to draw closer to God.."

"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." - James 4:8

I guess the Bible couldn't get more direct then that. God's rules and guidelines are clear...
It took me some time to get to this stage... I just pray that God will help me as I try to change and return to Him.

ps: Forgive my haywire colours... I'm just in the mood. =)

Favorite Song of All

2006-06-27T11:20:00.001+08:00

This is a song by Phillips, Craig and Dean.. I love the way it is expressed. Especially the part in purple. How God orders silence when he wants to listen to a soft, weak voice calling out to Him. =)

He loves to hear the wind sing
As it whistles through the pines on mountain peaks
He loves to hear the raindrops
As they splash to the ground in a magic melody
He smiles in sweet approval
As the waves crash to the rocks in harmony
Creation joins in unity to sing to Him majestic symphonies

But His favorite song of all is the song of the redeemed
When lost sinners now made clean lift their voices loud and strong
When those purchased by His blood lift to Him a song of love
Nothing more He'd rather hear, nor so pleasing to His ear
As His favorite song of all

He loves to hear the angels as they sing, "Holy, holy is the Lamb"
Heaven's choirs in harmony lift up praises to the great "I Am"
But He lifts His hands for silence when the weakest saved by grace begins to sing
And a million angels listen as a newborn soul sings, "I have been redeemed"

It's not just melodies and harmonies that catches His attention
It's not just clever lines and phrases that causes Him to stop and listen
But when any heart set free, washed and bought by Calvary, begins to sing

I don't have no time to write no blog entry...

2006-06-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

Three negatives make a negative!!

Hahahaha.. thanks for keeping the balance, TUK :P

I used to love watching Chip & Dale when I was little.. and yup, that's where there is a pilot bear and those little chipmunks. So, my baby-sitter's kids used to call me "Talespit" (Don't ask me why they switched a "t" for the "n").

I was going thru a lot of challenges and changes in my life when I started this blog. It all felt like a whirlpool.. And I don't know if you've heard of the Christian author, Max Lucado? Great great writer.. He wrote a book called "In the Eye of the Storm". That was my blog name first. Then I realised that.. well.. I'm not ALWAYS in the eye of the storm.. so it didn't make sense having silly, day-to-day events blogged under such a title. So I decided to change to something more subtle.. and ta-da... My life is a spin of tales! Well.. not fairy tales or tall tales... Just those simple things that give me something to write about here. You know, a llama eating the greener grass on the other side.. and rants about my modules.. and of course.. wonderful miracles that happen that I need to tell before I burst! Hehe.. that's the purpose of my blog. =)

Which brings me to my other point..

I don't have the time nor the means to blog lately. I have been travelling to and fro between home and hostel almost every weekend. And when I'm at home, there's chores and more travelling to visit relatives. Plus my internship. But I do come by once in a while to see if anybody has left me a message.. =) Happy to hear from you, TUK.. And Wooi Min.. this is my update!! Hehe..

Take care guys... God Bless!!

Talespin

Not good

2006-04-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

Scared. Tired. Drained.

It's impossible to finish everything I need to study for the exams. I can't believe I am at exactly the same position I was about 5 months ago, before my previous exams. Worried, unconfident, and so with so much unfinished business!

Sigh...

A little wisdom

2006-04-13T23:14:00.000+08:00

My Mom said.. "The grass is always greener on the other side.."

:) picture from here.